Welcome To our Blog.....Evans Story of Autism "It Doesn't Hurt"

On 9/8/10 my wife and I were forced to hear those words every parent hopes never come from the Doctors mouth, and while without hesitation we took this self driven journey of questions and concerns little did we know what we had signed up for and I am guessing we are far from the first or last set of parents who have had to share this very difficult moment in the lives of being parents.

"Your son Evan is Autistic"

The feelings rush through your whole body like being struck by lightening, all the countless hours in the past 30 days overtaken by anxiety, stress, pacing in circles, pillaging all the old baby pictures, wondering how or when or how or when ....or how or when.......you know that feeling when tears jump right out of your eyes with no chance of being held back, a flow of feelings that begins at your stomach and flushes your face red, that sound you make when you mix words with a deep cry as if howling in grief.....yeah that was all happening inside my body but being the "strong on the outside" parents that we are we were able to control our outbreak or at least we thought we had, back to that in a moment. We immediately gathered our thoughts, asked some thoughtful questions, and proved to ourselves that we are very calm in an emergency because I know I was in shock as if hit by a bus. All this happening inside of you while  the doctors praised our reaction and embraced our emotions, welcomed us to their family, letting us know we aren't alone even though that is all I remember feeling at that moment.

I had mentioned to my father who is my best friend and sounding board in a discussion we shared the next day that I felt as though I had been in a fight, aches and pains all over, head in a cloud. It took days to let it all digest, to have some clarity, some relief, some hope, and as I stated earlier the OUTBREAK finally came between my wife and I, a huge mess of words, blame, power and control or lack thereof in any case it happened and you can expect to be overcome with feelings of guilt, resentment, queasy, reinforcing that now we feel as prepared as anyone would be when they are just informed that their beautiful bouncing baby 3 year old boy is not the same as his peers, a unique set of mental processes differentiating the "normal" toddler from a child with Autism and while not a bad stigma being among some of the most highly regarded scientists and mathematicians such as Einstein but to a daycare in suburbia a potential tattoo of lifelong discrimination.





My wife and I have coined a term in our research and support for each other in this time of transition, it is the basis for my writings and my patience regarding the care and support of my son.

"It doesn't hurt"

Not uncommon in this group of children is our son Evans uncanny ability to make anyone laugh at any situation at any time, a recent trip to the grocery store to get flowers for mom I was blessed with one of our sons new talking points "poop", no compulsive obsession type activity just good hearted "echo" communication at its finest. Our son yet to be potty trained does like to participate verbally in diaper changing beginning with the hunt of his mother or I to do a "poop check", upon confirmation we proceed to the changing process which is always met with a term we used in front of him as a baby "WHOA STINKY STINKY" would come from my wife or my mouth, he would laugh, and on with the day right.....wrong. Last week standing in line behind a few others at the grocery self checkout my son exclaims very loudly "DADDY....DADDY.....you need to do a poop check whoa you stinky stinky" I smile at the other patrons and mention to my son "did you poop baby" and he yells back at me "NO DADDY YOU POOP AND YOU STINKY STINKY" as I laugh at his insistence and funny facial expressions painting me as a suspect in an unraveling mystery while pointing out to our fellow shoppers that I am in no need of a new diaper.


We shared that moment.

But unlike a "normal" child of his age who may go home and tell his mommy or siblings the story of him and Daddy a child like Evan is not able to process what had happened at all with no recollection of the incident just minutes later.....does it make it any less funny, no not at all but it lets you know that life is not the same for us now. You know what though, it doesn't hurt Evan, he feels nothing but love, laughter, and enjoyment from every one that surrounds him and that is why it is so important for my wife and I to remember everyday for Evan "It Doesn't Hurt" nor will we allow it too!

This is my mini coming out party, go me, but I intend to share the daily shenanigans of the Murphys, this crazy cute boy Evan and our wild adventures of sharing the life of Autism through a parents set of eyes.

Matthew R Murphy